about depression

As I sit to write this, I’m feeling okay. Good even. You can guess from the title though… I haven’t been.

I’m a littleeee obsessed with etymology, if you couldn’t tell. (If you didn’t know, just check these out) Learning the meaning of the word’s origins, how it came to exist, helps me grasp a deeper understanding of the word itself. Oddly enough, I’ve never thought about doing it with something that I struggle with and baffles me to no end- the D word.

It came to me as soon as I sat down to write, so here we go. .. Following are a few of the meanings behind root words and origins of “depression”:

~ to press down, depress

~ act of pressing down, state of being pressed down

~ dejection, state of sadness, a sinking of the spirits

~ a lowering or reduction in economic activity

but the earliest recorded use was likely for astronomy, “angular distance of a star below the horizon”.

If you know what angular distance means, kudo my friend! I however, did not, and looked it up. According to Wikipedia: In mathematics and all natural sciences, including astronomy, the angular distance  between two point objects, as viewed from a location different from either of these objects, is the angle of length between the two directions originating from the observer and pointing toward these two objects.

The poetry here is almost too much. Bear with me.

1) It is the distance between two point objects. Distance… you are never too far gone. You are just in between two points. It could be joy and desolation, or maybe it’s you and God, or even your current situation and where you want to be. Regardless, there is space. Space that holds hope.

2) It originates from the observer. The observer… if you’re like me, the observer is your feelings. My feelings too often dictate my outlook on life. It’s like a veil is over my eyes, making everything hazy and confusing. I can’t correctly respond in conversations with other people, because my thoughts are drowning in feelings of “less than.”

3) “Of a star below the horizon” That’s how it feels isn’t it? Like you’re below the horizon, where everyone else seems to be normal. You’ve been there, maybe even the other day. You find yourself asking, “Why can’t I just be there right now?”. You can see it, it just seems (keeping with the theme) light-years away from where you are. When I’m in darkness, I focus on the latter part, “below the horizon.” I don’t even see the words the precede it… “of a star.” That’s you! Seriously. You are a star. And stars have light. Yes some look more spectacular than others… but that often depends on the season, the weather, and where you’re viewing it from.

I feel like there’s more to come on this… but for now, I’m going to focus on the Light that lives inside me. It burns brighter than my feelings, even when it doesn’t feel that way.