getting my groove back
How do you "get your groove back" after a season of creative drought, or any kind of drought for that matter? When God started pushing me to paint again, to somehow use it for good, I had no idea the mental and emotional struggles that would come to light. It's obvious now that He has had a plan all along, but the not knowing what that plan entails is killing me! Trusting fully in Him, not in the world's expectations or "norms" is a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute struggle.
I announced last month that I was planning to complete a "Psalms" series. Diving into a study was exactly what I needed- God was revealing things to me quicker than I could process, and I could feel his abundant love in waves. I was overwhelmed by His knowing me, and with gratefulness that He would even want to. But when I sat down to paint, there was an internal struggle of overthinking: "Ok what do I want this painting to represent about this Psalm?" "What line(s) should I focus on?" "What colors would be best?" and on. and on. and on. You know what I painted? Nothing. Nada. I was too stuck in my own head to even start mixing paints.
So as it turns out, that struggle for understanding, for control, was completely sucking up my creative energy. So this week I let go, I stopped trying so hard to paint based on specific words and lines and what I wanted people to see. I know I'll be coming back to the Psalms soon, but right now I am focusing on putting paint on canvas, and I think it's exactly what He was trying to show me all along; To draw near to Him, to really study the Word (which I'm terrible at btw), and then to let it go and just focus on His love. Trust in His knowing me deeply, giving me this talent of which I can't take any credit for. It's all His. There is more peace resting in that fact alone, than all the well thought out, detailed plans I could ever make. He's got this.
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”— these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God. For who knows a person's thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-11)